Do You Understand Your Own Thoughts, Feelings, Fears and Needs About Partners and Relationships?

What thoughts might run on one of mind "the morning after"?

It should come as no surprise that a single woman who has an affair with a married man might wake up in "the morning after" they've made love for the first time feeling exhilarated and wanting to see him once again, as quickly as possible . In addition, a hundred and one questions may be running through her mind:

* "Has he really fallen in love with me?"
* "Is it possible that he sees it only as an adventure?"
* "Will he come see me once again?"
* "Did not I feel the same about my last lover, with what I thought we had such a wonderful bond until he left, unexpectedly?"

She is not sure about any of these. She feels scared, yet hopeful. And she goes on with her thoughts:

* "Does not he take too big a risk by having an affair with me?"
* "Does he really have a shitty relationship with his wife?"
* "Did he really just fall in love with me – just like I with him?"
* "Could it be that his relationship with his wife is so bad, that if he leaves her it will be for the benefit of the two of them – as well for my benefit?"

The thoughts continue rushing through her head:

* "Is there really a chance for us?"
* "Am I really important for him?"
* "Could it be that it will also be better for his children if he divorces?"
* "Would I then feel guilty? Shame?"
* "Would I then be happy being with him?"

She takes a deep breath and a frightening thought thought itself to her:

* "What if upon leaving his wife – if he at all will – he will leave me as well?"
* "Have not I heard too many stories about men who left their spouses and their lovers at the same time?"

Scared to this thought, she cries:

* "Gosh! Have not I promised myself time and again never to go out with a married man, and never o fall in love with one who is married?"

To feel better about herself she decides to summarize it all by thinking:

* " I must trust fate . It is not up to me to decide one way or another, either for myself nor for him."

Can you understand what stands behind someone's reasoning?

While it is difficult to fathom the reasoning behind such thoughts, you can only ask yourself the following:

* Does she escape taking responsibility for the affair she has?

* Is she so lonely that she is willing to have an affair with a married man even though she told herself time and again that she will not?

* Has she really "fallen in love" with him to the point of no return?

* Does she, deep inside, has a fear of commitment, therefore having an affair with a married man feels "safer" to her than having an unmarried partner?

Even though this woman's "story" may be very familiar, one which often happens, it is almost impossible to truly know what motivates her behavior and thinking. She herself may not be totally aware of what drives her.

Understanding your reasoning is the best you can strive for

As friends of yours share their thoughts, feelings, fears and needs with you, keep in mind that it is almost impossible to truly understand what motivates people to speak, feel and think the way they do. You may have your subjective interpretations, but this does not mean you are correct. Judging them is usually useless, for the simple reason that your jurisdiction is based on your own subjective personal interpretation and experiences.

So the best for you is to keep in mind that you yourself think, feel and be with with your partners and in your relationships according to your own interpretations of whatever situation you find yourself in. The more you make an effort to understand your reasoning for being in whatever situation you find yourself in, the more empowered you'll ever become to develop a successful intimate relationship.

Source by Doron Gil, Ph.D.

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